Solstice Coil
ok, I had to give it a shot
but it might go a little something like this:
Lost Ends - Spinoff Season Begins!
Action-drama-sci-fi-supernatural-undernatural-romantic comedy series Lost returns to its sixth and final season. Finally, all of our questions are going to be answered, particularly "why have I wasted six years of my life on this crap?"
Lost creators Jeffrey Lieber and Damon Lindelof know that once all the questions are answered, it's curtains down for them. That's why they have one ace up their sleeves – the mother of all questions – WHICH LOST CHARACTER IS GOING TO GET A SPINOFF???
Much More Money to be Made
They'll probably use an excuse like "there are just so many directions we haven't explored in the six seasons of Lost, like the smoke monster's cousin and the origin of the white polar bear."
Naturally, we all see through this and we know that this is just their way to make another quick buck before shutting down for good.
Well, I'm sold!
I have sources everywhere so I know exactly what's going on. Are you sitting down? Are you ready for this? This is going to be the biggest twist since they found out that that thing in the mountain was actually a different thing, unrelated to the thing that they thought it was.
ABC has signed off on 11 episodes of a new 22 minute long sitcom, a spinoff of a significant member of the Lost cast. Are you ready for this? Should I say it in Japanese to add mysteriousness?
Subheadline for the Sake of More Suspense
Okay, here it is. I present to you, the new spinoff from the creators of Lost: Miles!
Here's the pitch: he's an angsty and sharp-witted Asian guy with a dark past who speaks to spirits. Scarred by being abandoned by his father, imagine Miles' surprise when he finds himself on a lonely island, 30 years in the past, working for the man who abandoned him and his mother. It's gold, Jerry. GOLD!
Think of all the amusing situations Miles could walk into as he tries to preserve the space and time continuum and make up the lost time with his father, who doesn't even know he's his son!
Naturally, there will be guest appearances of various Lost stars (according to contractual obligations and last resort measurements due to failed attempts at a cinematic career)
Seriously, this could last for like… TWO seasons! Hey, if Joey made it, why can't Miles?
Damn, I hate April Fools
Who came up with this piece of crap? I mean, honestly. Practical jokes, ha ha. I never understand that, really. So here I was, all ready to watch the new episode of Lost on television, all pysched about it, when I found out that an episode of a new series called Cellular was on instead. Naturally, the assholes at HOT (The Israeli Cable Company) didn't say anything about it, they didn't launch a promo, or at least put out an announcement that Lost isn't going to be on...
But that wasn't the prank. They do that all the time, regardless of the date.
So I said to myself, self, stop whining and go check bittorrent. I mean, I usually don't download Lost because for the fourth season, HOT has managed to buy the episodes and add subtitles in less than a week, and I'm already paying for cable, so why bother? But I figured, something must be wrong. Then I saw that there is a new episode, which was uploaded the very same day. Something about the gaps between episodes seemed a bit off, but I said what the hell - and downloaded it.
You see, April Fools has become such a cliche that we expect it so much, it makes us expect it the least. I saw the date April 1 on the download, but didn't think nothing of it.
Burned it on a DVD, shoved it in the player, turned on the television, and... Last week's "previously on lost". Hmmm... that's strange. Okay, maybe it's relevant information for THIS week's episode (though not bloody likely). Then static filled the screen and was replaced with the title "ha ha, happy April Fools". Then, instead of an episode of lost, there appeared an episode of Flava Flav's flavor of love. Well fuck you, you fucking asshole.
I mean seriously, who does that? Why play a joke on thousands of people, when you can't even see the results?! The whole point of a practical joke is to see the person's face when they realize they've been had. This shit is just spiteful. Somewhere there's a guy who's sitting on a old raggy couch in his momma's basement, spilling doritos and kool-aid all over himself while playing Alex Kidd on his shiny Sega Master System (8 Bit), laughing his ass because he knows he raised people's expectations and then destroyed them with 30 minutes of big ass women trying to score with a hip-hop has-been who has like two operational brain cells left. What a fine example of humanity.
Anyway, I saw this trailer of the Legend of Zelda movie on MySpace. Turns out this is also a prank. I can't understand why anyone would do that. A whole lot of money was invested in this trailer! I mean, this isn't even funny. A prank is supposed to be funny. This actually looks kinda cool. I can't understand why people complain about this, saying "omg this is so gay". Zelda, in its essence is gay! There's an Elf running around in a green leotard, for crying out loud.
What sometimes really sucks about the Internet is the fact that everything gets blown out of proportion. Everything gets bigger here. And much like chain letters, pranks have also been taken to the max. I never believed I would ever say this, but I miss the 44.1k modem.
Dexter's Lab
The first is a pretty obvious one, they're both named Dexter, and a name so nerdy is not to be used lightly by any writer. Then, they both have a lab - I'll let you decide for yourselves which one is creepier, the one with odd machines and creatures whirring about or the one with blood spatters covering the walls.. Thirdly, they both cause chaos and mayhem. For good? For evil? That's that's for you to morally debate on. And it doesn't end there! they both have a highly annoying sister that constantly seeks affection and approval (Even though Debra is way hotter than Deedee, a drawn child character. But on second thought, ewww, lets not go there). Both sisters are the romantic interest of the antagonist. Not only that, but both antagonists share Dexter's secret occupation. Coincidence? I think not!
I'm certain this is just the tip of the iceberg, can you think of any more connections?
