Action-drama-sci-fi-supernatural-undernatural-romantic comedy series Lost returns to its sixth and final season. Finally, all of our questions are going to be answered, particularly "why have I wasted six years of my life on this crap?"

Lost creators Jeffrey Lieber and Damon Lindelof know that once all the questions are answered, it's curtains down for them. That's why they have one ace up their sleeves – the mother of all questions – WHICH LOST CHARACTER IS GOING TO GET A SPINOFF???

Much More Money to be Made

They'll probably use an excuse like "there are just so many directions we haven't explored in the six seasons of Lost, like the smoke monster's cousin and the origin of the white polar bear."

Naturally, we all see through this and we know that this is just their way to make another quick buck before shutting down for good.

Well, I'm sold!

I have sources everywhere so I know exactly what's going on. Are you sitting down? Are you ready for this? This is going to be the biggest twist since they found out that that thing in the mountain was actually a different thing, unrelated to the thing that they thought it was.

ABC has signed off on 11 episodes of a new 22 minute long sitcom, a spinoff of a significant member of the Lost cast. Are you ready for this? Should I say it in Japanese to add mysteriousness?

Subheadline for the Sake of More Suspense

Okay, here it is. I present to you, the new spinoff from the creators of Lost: Miles!

Here's the pitch: he's an angsty and sharp-witted Asian guy with a dark past who speaks to spirits. Scarred by being abandoned by his father, imagine Miles' surprise when he finds himself on a lonely island, 30 years in the past, working for the man who abandoned him and his mother. It's gold, Jerry. GOLD!

Think of all the amusing situations Miles could walk into as he tries to preserve the space and time continuum and make up the lost time with his father, who doesn't even know he's his son!

Naturally, there will be guest appearances of various Lost stars (according to contractual obligations and last resort measurements due to failed attempts at a cinematic career)

Seriously, this could last for like… TWO seasons! Hey, if Joey made it, why can't Miles?