I think I'm finally getting old enough to use the phrase "those kids and their wacky video games!" The only way to describe my experience last night is by saying it was very uncomfortable, and at any given moment I wasn't really sure if I was enjoying myself. So basically, it was like having sex for the first time.

The thing is, unlike my father's generation, I grew up with video games, rather than playing outside with rocks and having no choice but to books because the television wasn't invented yet and everybody used to walk fifty miles in the snow every day without any shoes or socks on. I still get excited when I see a cool new game with impressive computer graphics. Okay, I admit, the last console I actually owned was the Super Nintendo, but that thing kicked ass! Did it not? I stopped following the progress of the computer games world when I enlisted to the army six years ago, after recovering from a severe Age of Empires 2 addiction, but I never thought things would change this much.

Even though I've watched this industry evolve from a 4 color screen into the mighty SUPER VGA, with games like a car with a mouth and bulgy eyes that eats sand and diamonds eventually turning into 3dimentional shooters, there was one thing I never thought would change: The controls. In both basic platform games and shooters, you use the pointers in order to move around. That seems like a logical way to control the game to me. It applies to sports games as well, and any game that isn't controlled by the mouse (and game consoles don't have a mouse… do they?)

But the Wii is different. I guess Nintendo decided that using arrows in order to move in the direction that the arrows point to was too mundane and old fashioned. I wasn't sure at first why I was given a remote control for the air-conditioner, because I already had a cold, but then somebody explained to me that that's actually the game's controller. After being defeated in several rounds of Tennis, I finally understood that pressing the buttons won't really do anything in this game, and that I had to actually swing my hand in order for my player to swing his. What is this crap. If I wanted to exercise, I'd go outside and play the actual sport. Video games are for drooping and getting fat, not breaking a sweat. At least, not in the traditional way. True, your hands do get all sweaty when you're trying to reach for the last slice of last week's pizza while attempting to maneuver a successful leap over three turtles and an evil mushroom without getting off your seat. Now that's what gaming is all about!

Afterwards we played Medal of Honor, and then I was introduced to another controller that looked like some kind of an electric shaving machine. I didn't really want to shave at the time, but I played along. The overall experience felt very unnatural for me, to say the least. If I had to describe what it felt like precisely, I'd say it felt like seeing through my nose, hearing colors and driving a car with my elbows. Honestly, there has got to be a more comfortable way to play this game.

Be that as it may, we still wasted almost three hours on this activity, and I was already confused after watching the new Futurama movie, which has got to be the most perplexing time travel movie of all times.

In conclusion: Get off my lawn, you damn kids! And take your air-conditioner game controllers with you! When I was a child, Tetris was an actual game, and not a cellular phone application. Kids these days, ain't got no respect…